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The Invisible Losses There are losses in caregiving that nobody sends flowers for. There’s no funeral. No sympathy cards. Sometimes the person you love is sitting right beside you. And yet, something has been lost. I think about Mom. She didn’t wake up one morning and decide, Today I become a caregiver. It happened slowly. One responsibility at a time. One appointment. One reminder. One sleepless night. One thing Dad could no longer manage became something Mom needed to manag

As I wrap up Grandpa’s stories, I realize they were never just stories about dementia or caregiving. They were stories about learning what you don’t know—usually when you’re already overwhelmed. We went from the hospital to skilled nursing, then home. We learned about neuropsych testing, guardianship and conservatorship, respite, community resources, utility assistance, private-pay care, Medicaid planning, nursing-home placement, advocacy and so much more. And somewhere in th

There comes a point in some caregiving journeys when you realize you cannot keep living every moment as the professional in the room. For a long time, I was the social worker. The therapist. The care manager. The one asking questions, coordinating services, anticipating problems and trying to stay three steps ahead of whatever might happen next. Those skills helped my family. But somewhere along the way, I realized I didn't want every moment with my parents to feel like a car

There came a point in caregiving when I finally had to admit something I had avoided for far too long: I needed a break. Grandpa did not qualify for Medicaid yet, and he did not have long-term-care insurance. Most of the help we needed had to come from his income, family support, or community resources. That was how I learned about the Colorado Respite Coalition, a program of Easterseals Colorado. At the time, I applied for its respite voucher program and received help that a

Somewhere along the way, I stopped sleeping. Not one bad night. Not a rough week. I mean the kind of exhaustion that settles into your personality. I was working, raising children, managing a marriage and household, coordinating appointments, handling medications, sorting through finances, dealing with properties, answering calls, making decisions and trying to anticipate whatever crisis might come next. And I felt completely alone. The strange thing is, help actually existed

Eventually, the court process was complete. I had the legal authority to help make financial decisions for Grandpa. And I remember thinking: Finally. Now things will get easier. That thought was adorable. Because having the authority to make decisions and knowing which decisions are the right ones are two very different things. Now I could finally see the bigger financial picture. And whew. There were past-due utility bills. Properties that had been neglected. Vehicles. Insur